


Attack on Jacob

by zatniktel



Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types
Genre: Bella is a wimp, Crack, F/M, Gen, Humor, Oneshot, Parody, Post-New Moon, Stalker Edward, Werewolf Jacob, so much drama, very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-27
Updated: 2014-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-03 18:54:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 455
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2865395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zatniktel/pseuds/zatniktel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bella finds a naked Jacob in the woods. When she tries to help him, things get dangerous.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attack on Jacob

Bella sat still as a bump on a log. She was waiting for Jacob in the forest, and didn't want to attract any animals' attention in the meantime.  
A bird flew past, and she let out a startled shriek and rolled into a ball. Then she heard-  
FOOTSTEPS.

Letting out a little whimper, she rolled even tighter, squeezing her eyes shut to face her inevitable death.  
"It's just me, Bella." Jacob's nasally voice came from behind her.  
Letting out a sigh of relief, she unclenched her teeth and started to uncurl.  
"NO!" Jacob yelled, covering her eyes.  
"What's wrong?" She swallowed hard. Oh no, one of his friends probably mutilated him, she thought.  
"I...can't find my clothes," Jacob explained. "I think one of the guys hid them."  
Bella tried not to snort with laughter, so what came out was a cross between a squeak and a cough.

"So...what are you going to do?"  
"Well, I could turn back and look completely naked, or I could take your coat."  
Bella certainly hoped he was kidding. "I...guess so..."  
Just then, there was a terrific crash behind her. Snarls ripped through the air.  
"Jacob?" Bella whispered, too terrified to turn around, for more than one reason.  
"I was just kidding!" Jacob wailed, sounding remarkably like a two-year-old.  
Shaking, her hair covering most of her face, Bella turned around.  
Edward stood in front of Jacob, holding him against the trunk of a tree.

"How dare you ask for her coat," Edward whispered, his voice full of rage. "How DARE you ask for her coat!" His eyes were black with fury. "HOW DARE YOU EVEN THINK ABOUT HER COAT!"  
"Edward." Bella put her hand on his shoulder. "It's fine. He just needed some clothes."  
Edward dropped Jacob. Like a sack of potatoes, the unfortunate werewolf fell to the ground.  
"I would rather break the treaty than have any article of your clothing come in contact with...him." Edward shuddered, stroking Bella's hair.  
Jacob snorted loudly.  
Edward curled his lip at the fern-covered Jacob. "As long as Bella is safe, everything is fine." He put his cold hand on her cheek.  
Smiling drunkenly, Bella leaned in to kiss him.

"Oh, go away," Jacob snapped. The ground was cold and knobby, and Edward smelled bad.  
Edward leaned down into Jacob's face. "Don't come near her. Ever. Again."  
As Bella climbed onto Edward's back, she smiled sadly and waved to him. In a cold whoosh, they were gone.  
"She came to me!" Jacob yelled after them. Muttering, he stood up and brushed himself off. "Ha. Like I'm going to stay away from her? I don't think so."  
"Heads up, Jacob!"  
His clothes hit him in the back of the head.


End file.
